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The year is 2006 and The Queen is on a school visit to open the new Science Block at Dudley Goring Comprehensive School. Derek Jones, the school's Head of Science, is not only an unreconstructed socialist and staunch Republican but also disillusioned and disappointed with life. Derek has a run in with his Headmaster just before the Queen's arrival and in a fit of pique he decides to use the temporary ?facilities' which have been specially installed in the staff room for the Queen's own personal use. His timing is, as ever, terrible and he is caught in the portaloo by the Queen herself. Even Derek is embarrassed by this and his embarrassment only grows when he finds that somehow they have been locked in. Shame quickly turns to fear for them both when they discover that this is no accident - a bomb has been planted underneath the portaloo and they will both be blown to kingdom come if the terrorists' demands are not met. In this most awkward of situations, Derek comes to question his cynicism and, with the Queen's help, to re-evaluate his whole life. Let's hope it's not too late...

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